In But Not Of

Confession.

 

As much as I believe that attending a "Worship Service" is of little real value, I do attend frequently.

In fact, for the past 2 years or more I have been a regular part of a "worship team."

It's a bit of a struggle, as I like to make music, BUT singing and being in a "Worship Service" has little to do with how I spend time with or for God.

The church I attend was perplexed when I explained I could not "become a member" and even more so when I explained I really shouldn't be a "worship leader."  It's hard to explain my issues without presenting a viewpoint that may seem a bit dismissive of many of the things congregants hold dear. Regarding membership, I had to explain that my beliefs do not conform to the standards required for membership. As for "leading," I explained that my beliefs would likely eventually lead to me saying something in front of the congregation that would offend ("this is best for everyone").

So - why do I attend?

There's some history. Originally, it was mostly to see what the pastor (a family friend) was up to. Upon arrival, we found we quickly developed connections with the people. Not too long after we began attending, the pastor announced his departure from ministry (This is the second pastor for whom this has happened with us. Beginning to think we're bringing too many of the "right" questions.) We've stuck around, but it is awkward as leadership is working to figure out "how to grow the church."  

 

The one piece that holds me in the "Worship" time is that after the sermon/message, the congregation is invited to respond - even to "push back" or offer other perspectives.  There is a part of me that thinks this is why I might need to stick around. If all the folks who have a unique/de-constructive perspective exit, they're not going to hear it from too many other sources.

To tweak a common "Christianese" thought; I have selected to be "in the church but not of the church."